Working on ourselves is one of the most beneficial things that we can do if we are wanting to create a life of ease and joy.

But what happens when self-improvement becomes the sole focus of our attention? It lands us in a negative cycle of constantly being stuck in healing mode. 

Signs that you may be in stuck in healing mode are you:

  • feel like something at your core is wrong with you 
  • feel like something needs to always be fixed
  • have been to countless practitioners and the same symptoms or problems are still present 
  • feel stuck and can’t seem to move forward 
  • have experienced a healing crisis 

“Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

You may be thinking that this seems counter-intuitive. Isn’t keeping ourselves in optimal health in mind, body and spirit and seeing practitioners beneficial for our wellbeing? Whilst that is absolutely the correct path to follow, imbalances can arise when you:

  • are seeing numerous practitioners that are working on a similar problem. Eg you are seeing an osteopath, a chiropractor and a massage therapist for a bad back, and your sessions are within close proximity in time to each other
  • are seeing a variety of practitioners in a short time frame. Eg in one week you have a healing and a kinesiology appointment 
  • have developed a mindset of feeling “less than” or “that something is wrong with you” which leaves you feeling disempowered 
  • have had many different treatments with no result. You keep dreaming that one day things will change

If you can recognise any of these imbalances, then you may be caught in a healing cycle. To extract yourself from this self-improvement healing cycle and move forward you could:

  • Learn to tap into your own GPS guidance system. What does your body actually want and need?
  • Drop the belief of when you’re healed that your life will change for the better
  • Space out your treatments. Multiple treatments in one week don’t allow the body to absorb and integrate each treatment
  • When we rush through the journey, we don’t realise the small gifts, awareness or changes that come along the way. Treat, integrate then allow transformation to happen 
  • Perhaps it’s time for a change. Look at a different modality if you feel like you’re banging your head against the wall with little or no results 
  • Ask yourself ‘What is currently holding me back in my development’?

Above all, remember that you are enough and you always will be. 

self compassion

Emotional resistance – an extract from the book Self Compassion by Kristin Neff. 

One kind word can change someone’s entire day.


One kind word can change your day. Many kind words can provide the emotional resistance that can set you free. Kristin Neff speaks to your heart through each chapter of the book “Self Compassion”, creating a tool kit for many of the life challenges we face today. Kristin believes self compassion has the power to radically transform lives! It doesn’t eradicate the pain, but if you embrace the pain it allows you to transform on your own. Through self compassion we discover the wisdom of true acceptance of what is. 

Research shows the people who are more self compassionate 

  • are significantly less anxious 
  • are significantly less likely to develop depression 
  • have more perspective on their problems and are less likely to feel isolated by them
  • are more willing to experience unwanted emotions and have better emotional skills 
  • acknowledge their emotions are valid and important but do not become consumed by them
  • have lower cortisol levels 

 “Love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is only your aversion to it that hurts, nothing else.”

Hermann Hesse

Our happiness is not dependant on experiences or what we expect them to be. Happiness stems from loving ourselves and our lives exactly as they are. Knowing that joy and pain, strength and weakness, glory and failure are essential to the full experience of life. When we feel flawed and incapable of handling the things that life throws us, we shut down emotionally and magnetise to fear and can only see the doom and gloom and things go down from there. 

To free yourself from the negativity:

  • Give yourself self compassion. This towers over negative emotions 
  • When you don’t judge your feelings and really pay attention to them and see that they are thoughts and emotions – not necessarily reality – you can deal with whatever comes your way 
  • Be aware of emotions in the body, where they present in the physical will allow you to stay in tune with them. By staying anchored, grounded, and present you can be here and now and watch the storm pass over — see what arises in the present moment but not get caught up in it 
  • Affirm – ‘Every day in every way I am getting better and better”
  • When you notice something you don’t like about yourself, when something goes wrong and you’re in distress, silently repeat the following “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life, may I be kind to myself this moment, may I give myself the compassion I need”. 
  • Paul Gilbert author of The Compassionate Mind has a program that helps people with severe shame and self-judgement to understand the harm they do to themselves 

Use the soften, soothe, allow method 

  • SOFTEN Compassion stops the mental recrimination
  • SOOTHE “How can I comfort myself right now?”
  • ALLOW Feeling it all, the safety of self compassion it isn’t as scary to know you will be supported

‘It’s easier to open up to yourself when you can trust that your pain will be held in compassionate awareness. The beauty of self compassion that is instead of replacing negative feelings with positive ones, new positive emotions are generated by embracing the negative ones. The positive emotions of care and connectedness are felt alongside our painful feelings.

Kristin Neff

People are often afraid to become compassionate towards themselves as they worry they will become weak, rejected or feel inadequate. When you remember to be self compassionate, you acknowledge life may suck, but you don’t make it worse by being consumed with all the negativity. You can deal with whatever challenges life throws your way feeling the full range of emotions to bring you back to being whole. 

Today I am sharing messages from one of my all-time favourite books, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

The Four Agreements is a small book of wisdom that reveals the self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. 

The first Agreement in the book is “Be Impeccable with your Word”. Why your word? Your word is the power you possess to create. 

Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will be manifested through the word. “

Your word is the power you own to express, to think, to communicate and create the events in your life. Depending how your words are used – they can set you free and change your life or enslave you. 

During our lives, parents, siblings and members in our community have given their opinions of us without even thinking. We then take on these beliefs and live in fear of those opinions. For example, not being good at things.

“Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system”.

If someone gives an opinion that we are overweight, and we listen, we take this belief on and grow up with the idea we are overweight. It doesn’t matter how thin you may be, if you still have that belief, you will believe you are overweight. 

Words can enter our minds and change a whole belief system for better or worse. 

Impeccable means “without sin”. A sin is everything that you do which goes against yourself. Everything you believe, feel or say that goes against yourself is a sin. When you judge or blame yourself for anything you go against yourself.

When you are impeccable with your word:

  • You take responsibility for your actions
  • You do not judge or blame yourself 
  • You do not use the word against yourself 
  • You are using your energy for the truth and love you have for yourself
  • The truth will manifest through you and release all the emotional toxicity that exists within you 

Be impeccable with your word if you want to be free and happy. Tell yourself how great you are and how much you love yourself. Engrain the new belief 

“I am impeccable with my word”

To break all old agreements and negative thought patterns to allow you to create new positive agreements and belief systems, be impeccable with your word!

weight gain

“It’s the liver that holds the answers to the questions about mystery weight gain. If you’re gaining weight it means that your liver is sluggish. While two other factors, the thyroid and the adrenals, can often be involved, weight gain is really about what your liver is up against.”

Anthony William, The Medical Medium

The liver is the body’s second largest organ and is the chief detoxification officer in our body. It drives our ability to burn fat and can be the key factor that helps us heal for good. In Chinese medicine the liver is one of the most important organs and the key function is to ensure the flow of energy around the mind and body.

Functions of the liver include:

  • Metabolism 
  • Detoxification
  • Storing of blood 
  • Production of bile to help with digestion and absorbing fats 
  • Conversion of glycogen into glucose to be then sent into the bloodstream to meet the body’s demands to keep blood sugar levels constant 

Symptoms of an imbalanced liver

  • A fat roll below the bra line 
  • Tender point at the centre of your torso 
  • Cellulite 
  • Waking around 2am
  • Waking hot in the night 
  • Not hungry when you first get up in the morning
  • Nausea
  • Constipation
  • PMS
  • Bloating
  • Emotionally – Anger, irritability, rage moodiness, impatience, depression, nervous tension, rigid attitude, negative outlook, self-disgust and envy  
  • Nausea, headaches and migraines 
  • Gynaecological and menstrual problems
  • Addictions – food, drugs or alcohol as the emotional tension gives rise to addictions

How to take care of your liver

Considering the build-up of toxins in our environment, our liver works overtime! Here are some ways that you can take care of your liver daily.

  • Limit your fat intake 
  • Increase your water intake 
  • Eat natural foods keep the liver healthy and efficient 
  • Drink a vegetable juice in the morning 
  • Drink 240ml of hot water with 1tbsp of apple cider vinegar 5-20mins before meals, or alternatively squeeze of 1/2 fresh lemon in warm water
  • Eat foods to strengthen the liver including sesame seeds, turmeric, parsley, peppermint tea, seeds and nuts, oysters and fish 
  • Avoid foods not recommended for the liver including cheeses, cream, coffee, alcohol and sugars 
  • If you have a low intake of vitamin B vitamins it could be useful to take a supplement to ensure optimal detoxification 
  • Take a break from alcohol to restore your liver 

Essential Oils for the liver:

  • Chamomile 
  • Orange
  • Bergamot 
  • Lavender 
  • Neroli 

Liver Disorders 

The below information is from the book The Secret Language of the Body by Inna Segal.

Liver disorders indicate the following: 

  • Irrational frustration 
  • Aggression 
  • Rage
  • Guilt 
  • Fear 
  • Desire to inflict self- punishment 
  • You sabotage your progress 
  • Constant inner struggle and conflict 
  • Difficulty in making decisions 
  • Can find fault and blame others 
  • Inclined to act like a victim 
  • Overlooks other people’s advice and suggestions 
  • Imbalanced sleep
  • Trouble relaxing
  • Unable to trust others 

Remember you do not have to be all the above, perhaps you may relate to one or just a few.

Repressed Emotions 

Repressed emotions can accumulate in the form of tight muscles and tension in our shoulders, back and neck. Backache can also occur in the middle part of the back. 

Release feelings of anger by

  • Writing your feelings relating to anger in your journal 
  • If you are still harbouring anger towards someone, imagine that you are having a conversation with that person and express all your feelings and things that needed to be said. Really allow yourself to vent your anger and imagine the other person listening attentively. Finish this process by visualising a happy parting of ways
  • Physically release your anger by punching a pillow or stamping your feet 

As you can see the liver has such a wide range of functions and when it’s not functioning properly, both physical and emotional illnesses can set in. By looking after your liver, you are looking after your mind, body and spirit.

burden of responsbility

There’s no doubt that being a responsible citizen in society is an honourable trait to have. However, when we start to move into the burden of responsibility for another this often becomes detriment to our own wellbeing. 

During our youth being responsible came with a sense of honour, of being worthy, reliable, strong in character. When we take over the sense of being responsible, we are in fact losing our sense of our own self, losing our own power to a force outside of ourselves. 

Where do we draw the line between helping another and where we diminish our own power?

If you feel upset by the mess someone has got themselves into, it is your stuff. It is an indication that you need to look at yourself rather than rescue someone else’. Diana Cooper 

If we feel deep inside that we must shoulder the responsibility for our family or even the world, we become the enabler to bad behaviour, imbalanced giving and receiving in relationships, demanding relationships to being undervalued just to name a few! We cannot feel responsible for everyone’s happiness. Only they chose it, you cannot choose it for them.

True kindness is when you can have compassion for someone else’s suffering, even if you know their thoughts are creating it. It’s when you take responsibility for yourself, but not for them, and when you allow them to think and feel however they want, without making it mean anything about yourself. Kara Loewentheil 

It is NOT up to us to decide what is for the other person’s highest good. Look within at the part of you that feels responsible for another’s moods, life choices, happiness or success. 

When you start to feel burdened by a responsibility or a diminishment of power, here are some ways that you can release the sense of responsibility: 

  • See things from a higher perspective by viewing another’s life through their eyes — this is very healing for you and them
  • When you observe another’s choices see how it fits in their life 
  • Love and accept people for who they are and not who you think they should be 
  • Constantly check in with yourself ‘Am I feeling adequate’? ‘Am I trying to give more than the other person is capable of receiving?’ 
  • Question your intentions 
  • Work with the belief ‘My true value comes from within’ and/or ‘I am perfect as I am’
  • Know when to be selfless and pay attention to your own needs 
  • Challenge yourself to let go 
  • Become aware of when someone’s presence leaves you drained – even in a subtle way – we can lose our energy through our empathetic nature 

The greatest gift comes when you receive someone for who they are and allow them to be their own creator of their reality. 

are you ready to remove your mask

In these unprecedented times of Covid-19, our foundations of feeling safe have been shaken to the core. For our health and safety, we have worn face masks to protect us from our outside environment. Ironically, many of us have been wearing masks to hide our true selves and emotions most of our lives.

Masking is a process in which an individual changes or “masks” their natural personality to conform to social pressures, abuse, and/or harassment. Wikipedia

We weren’t born with masks!

The masks we wear today have been created and layered up throughout our lifetime. It is a pattern we have unconsciously adopted early on by wanting to be the good girl or boy, loved and accepted.

Like a chameleon changing to adapt to the environment, we hide our own feelings, thoughts, and opinions in order to be accepted and obtain the approval of others. Sadly, we can’t see ourselves and the value we bring!

At the core of it all is fear. The foundation of fear is our basic needs of safety, survival and needing to belonging not being met. We avoid being a target by showing excess kindness, giving too much, over compensating, tolerating bad behaviour, dimming our light or swaying our truth – all so we can remain safe and secure within.

At our own detriment boundaries are weak and we base our self worth on others’ approval of us. We feel it is important for everyone to like us, we are afraid to disappoint, or not be what others expect from us and compare ourselves to others constantly.

It is not our job to get everyone to like us.

Disowning ourselves creates serious side effects to one’s own dignity!

We don’t live our truth and aren’t seen as our true authentic selves.

We lack self worth, self value and self esteem.

We don’t feel whole and complete within our lives.

We feel unworthy, undeserving and less than others.

Limiting beliefs such “I am not good enough”, “I am unlovable”, “I am going to be judged” ,”There’s not enough for me”, “I don’t deserve it, it is for other people to have it” , “The world is an unsafe place” can be fuelling underneath at a deeper level.

It is pretty confronting to remove the masks that guard us, to be seen and heard and accepted with our values and beliefs that are true for us.

Visibility is the bi- product of courage.

Here are my suggestions on how to remove your mask gently

  • Identify why you act the way you do and look at where you are being triggered and giving your energy away
  • Release childhood patterning through inner child work, time line therapy, counselling or energy healing
  • Look at the beliefs fuelling this behaviour – are they really true? Are they my beliefs or beliefs I have taken on from another? Dive deep….
  • Learn boundaries and start saying no
  • Be comfortable with not everyone is going to like you and like the saying goes ‘what others think of me is none of my business’
  • Have relationships with people that are aligned with you and your values
  • Release the need for validation and find your self worth within
  • Stop future tripping creating stories in your head before the event has happened

The more you reclaim all parts of yourself and your identity you will find your tribe regain your self worth and live life on your terms. It’s time to take charge of your own life.

The spleen is often described as the ‘source of life’, the transporter of energy to all other organs. It is considered as an essential organ in helping the body fight infections due to the spleen’s production of white blood cells and antibodies that help to eliminate foreign invaders and bacteria. 

Your spleen is located at the back of your ribcage, in the upper left part of your abdomen. The spleen is part of our lymphatic system and regulates many important systems in your body all at once such as:

  • Filtering, storing and cleaning the blood 
  • Supporting the lymphatic system 
  • Playing an important role in the body to fight infections 
  • Extracting nutrients from food and converting this into energy 

 A healthy and energised Spleen leads to the feeling of strength and general well-being.  

Physical signs your spleen needs support 

  • Stubborn weight problems 
  • There is an accumulation of excess mucous in your body 
  • You have bloating and hold water retention 
  • Your body feels tired, heavy and your limbs ache 
  • You have poor muscle tone 
  • You are suffering from poor co-ordination 
  • You are experiencing poor memory recall 
  • You have a weak metabolism 
  • You are experiencing low energy levels and fatigue 
  • You are experiencing urinary problems 
  • You are experiencing knee/ thigh pain 
  • You feel full without eating 

Emotional signs your spleen needs support 

  • You are a worrier 
  • You are trapped in a cycle of obsessive and/ or negative thoughts 
  • You feel ungrounded
  • You have feelings of  instability and insecurity 
  • Your sleep is restless
  • You could be experiencing needy or selfish behaviour 
  • You are feeling vague or confused 
  • Your feelings are scattered 
  • You feel over protective of others 
  • There are feelings of loneliness 
  • You find yourself stating “I need”… 

Inna Segal describes the emotions of the spleen in her book The Secret Language of the Body as 

“Feeling helpless, disconnected from feminine energy, fearful, frozen , angry frustrated. Overly sensitive and easily swayed. Constantly trying to find fault in others and to control or change them. Not wanting to face your own issues and participate in life fully. Continually worrying and stressing about others.”

Ways to support your spleen 

  • Avoid ice in your drinks and eating cold foods such as ice cream 
  • Wear the colour yellow
  • Foods to strengthen the spleen are sweet potatoes, root vegetables, apples, foods rich in chlorophyll 
  • Avoid or eat in moderation raw foods, dairy, fatty foods, sugar, wheat, beer and coffee 
  • Eat smaller more frequent meals 
  • The herbs Astragalus, Ginseng and Licorice are beneficial to the spleen 
  • Skin brushing:
  • Acupressure points to press:
  • Essential Oils: Joy and Acceptance from Young Living Oils 
  • Flower Essences: Bach – Heather, Red Chestnut, White Chestnut 
  • Flower Essences: Australian Bush Flowers: Dog Rose, Boronia, Pink Mulla Mulla 
  • Crystals: Carnelian, Jade, Jasper and Bloodstone 
  • A lymphatic drainage massage is beneficial for the spleen 

If you identify with any of the symptoms in this article and are looking for personalised ways to support your spleen and overall health, you can get in contact with me here or book an online appointment.

vagus nerve

The Vagus Nerve – its role and treatment

  • The Vagus Nerve (VN) starts at the brain and is the longest cranial nerve in our body. 
  • It conveys sensory information about the state of the body’s organs to the Central Nervous System
  • The VN can be overactive or underactive
  • It is well documented that VN stimulation can assist in a multitude of illnesses, such as treatment-resistant depression and certain forms of epilepsy

The VN’s physical role in the body includes:

  • Keeping the larynx open for breathing, feeding the lungs and diaphragm
  • Slowing and regulating the heartbeat
  • Stimulating the flow of saliva, peristalsis and secretion, and releasing bile
  • Reducing inflammation
  • Sending messages to the brain to produce and release Oxytocin
  • Reducing seizures and the treatment of certain types of epilepsy
  • Increasing calm and reducing stress levels
  • Reducing blood pressure

Energetically, the VN:

  • Balances the nervous system, bringing coherence between the sympathetic, (fight/flight), and the parasympathetic, (relaxation) branches of the nervous system, giving more emphasis on the relaxation side
  • Brings coherence to the heart and brain, supporting higher states of awareness
  • Is responsible for our compassion, telepathy and empathy, and our intuition or “gut knowing”
  • Governs our interface with others and the world (how we connect to each other).

Natural ways to help the Vagus Nerve

Anything you can do to enhance relaxation and compassion is going to help, as well as:

  • Deep belly breathing 
  • Meditation
  • Exercise 
  • Reflexology 
  • Playing an instrument (the deep breathing and long exhales stimulate the VN)
  • Listening to music and relaxing (VN is part of the parasympathetic/relaxing side of nervous system).
  • Practicing yoga stimulates the VN without even focusing on it directly

I think I can safely say we have all experienced some sort of toxicity in a relationship , whether it be with a family member, ex-boyfriend, friends or a work colleague. 

While many are born into a loving, caring, supporting family, from my many years in the clinic, this is far from the truth for many clients. This can be extremely painful when we have experienced first hand the exile, trauma or abandonment from our family members. 

Our childhoods and relationships with our family hold the deepest pain and suffering, feelings of abandonment  not being lovable,  good enough, our misaligned identity of ourselves or feeling like a misfit are embodied and unconsciously expressed throughout other areas of our lives going forward. 

If you are carrying pain from your family, then it is really important foremost you work on releasing your trauma, work through forgiveness and release any out dated beliefs and behaviours so you don’t attract the wrong people and relationships into your life going forward.

Conflicts in relationships arise when there is an imbalance between your expectations and the actually reality that is occurring. To experience balanced relationships, we need to stop putting expectations on how we believe the relationship and person should be. This means accepting the person and the relationship for what it is, not what we think it should be. 

Often we are so caught up in our own ‘expectation’ that we don’t take the time to see through the lens of the other person. Sad but true, the pivotal turning point ‘people can only give you what they can give you,’ they are also projecting onto you their view points, behaviours, beliefs from their own up bringing, traumas and life situations. Yes a hard reality to face, however this is an imperative factor in healing the cycle of toxic relationships. 

Have The Courage to Look

We often unconsciously shape and reflect what we believe to be true in our view of people and the relationship. We filter out anything that suggests otherwise. Often you have spent years trying to hide and run away from the reality, evidence and truth of the situation.

Deconstruct the person or relationship dynamics you have an issue with, what is at the core level?

  • Think about what is your agenda? What do you really want from this relationship?
  • Be willing to drop the expectations and projections, don’t make it about you, drop the drama
  • Drop the need for validation and acceptance you are yearning for, make peace with this

Honouring Yourself

It is time to deconstruct any negative behaviours and beliefs through self enquiry. You may want to sit and reflect on the below or journal what comes up.

  • What relationships have I been tolerating? 
  • With whom have I been wearing masks and avoiding my true self to be seen?
  • How is this a mirror about how I feel about myself ?
  • What am I avoiding seeing? 
  • What am I refusing to see about this situation now? 
  • Whats the truth and whats the distortion around this relationship?” 

You can learn more and clear past toxic relationships to create harmony in your relationships in our up coming courses. Sign up on our home page to receive first discounted access for VIPs only.

People often become frustrated because they are wanting something to change, to create a new reality and its not happening. You think you’re doing everything right, but your remaining stuck. Let’s look at how you can gain clarity and momentum to move forward.

Stop Resisting
The more we resist the ebbs and flows of change the harder it gets! Stop holding yourself back. Sit with what am I resisting? Is it change? Being successful? Being seen?

You have a deep inner knowing with what to do, and you have an inner guidance system to make it happen. To create your reality you need to have awareness and decide what you want. The more awareness we have, the less power our fear and ego mind can have on us. 

Facing the Fears
If you create out of fear, you don’t believe in your own abilities, you are reacting from the fear. If you are creating out of joy you are moving forward. Doing what your heart tells you will bring you joy. Questions to ask yourself – If I wasn’t afraid what would I be doing? What’s my state of readiness for this change? Am I ready to let go? Be ready to face your fears head on.

Self Reflection
Stillness is required for deeper self reflection. Questions to ask yourself – What do I really want?  What will this change bring to my life? What lights me up? Where am I compromising myself? What would my life be like if joy was my priority?

Do the internal work
You are your greatest teacher, you need to become clear and in alignment. Changing your energy will transform the undesirable situation and being in alignment the possibilities are limitless. Look at your limiting beliefs, patterning, fears , what do you need to heal to allow you to move forward?

Priorities and Non-Negotiable
Write down on a piece of paper two columns, my priories and my non negotiables. Now write down under priorities all the things that are important to you and under priorities list all the things you won’t compromise on. This will help you become clearer and put boundaries into place. 

Work with the intention – I choose and intend to come into divine alignment with (stating the change you are wanting) thank you it’s done it’s done it’s done. And the new belief – I am open to change. If you have however low expectations and high intentions you’re going to get the results of your low expectations. Energy will go to the most powerful thought you have. Questions to look at -What expectations do I have about myself? Look what could preventing your intention from being fulfilled. 

Take Action
When you know what you want it drives you to take action, it is then you can put boundaries in place. Work with the idea how many possibilities are there to help make this change? Where am I going to put my energy into? Take action and feel the fear afterwards!

See that you already have it
Focus on the outcome and see that you already have it. When you also focus on the life experience you want to have, this allows you to receive it. Really sit with the feeling of having your desires here and now. Wayne Dwyer quotes – The answer to how is yes, you may never know exactly how you’re going to accomplish, but by saying yes to life and all that calls you, the how will take care of itself.

Allow others to support you, take all the burden off your shoulders.

Let It Go
Don’t judge your choices at that moment that was the best choice that was meant for you