The Competition for Energy 

The Competition for Energy  

 When we consider how our actions could affect others, we come to understand our own autonomy has limitations. When we consider the people around us and start to become aware of the way they are acting and speaking, we start to learn about their energy and behaviours.  

 Many exist in daily life in an unconscious state of internal pain and struggle often dismissing ethical conduct, integrity and thoughtfulness in relationships. The way people often engage with others is through four control dramas – Intimidation, Interrogation, Aloofness and Poor Me. You may have heard of these in the famous book ’ The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.  

 A control drama explains James is ‘played out by an individual who is low of energy to manipulate and take the energy of another, so they get their way’.  

 If you are experiencing difficult or triggering relationships with others, be the empowered observer so can you recognise ’the control dramas’ in play. Once you recognise them, you may choose to change your behaviour with others, yourself and acknowledge whether is it good for you to be in that environment.  

The Four Control Dramas

The Intimidator 

This control drama ‘wants to be in control/charge’ and likes to be seen as having power and authority over others. The control can be displayed verbally, physically, energetically and in relationships, they can control others mentally, socially financially and sexually. They are likely to erupt in rage in any moment and you will often feel unsafe and uncomfortable in their presence.  

 Intimidators often come from homes raised by other Intimidators and often pair later in life in relationships with the ‘poor me’, Aloof or more passive individuals. During childhood, they may have learned losing can be painful or may have been in an environment where they felt powerlessness.  

 Seeing yourself as the intimidator  

  • Are your attempts to control others contributing to the problems you are trying to fix? 
  • Where are you feeling out of control? The more you let go, the more you become free.  
  • Let go of expectations – be able to consider the opinions, needs and desires of others. Co-operate with others rather than trying to control them. Accept others’ views that are different from yours  
  • The more you focus on what is wrong with other people, the more you will find your relationships will go downhill  
  • Acknowledge/journal ‘In what ways do my actions affect others?’ 

Dealing with the intimidator 

  • Recognise – you may be powerless over some things however you are not powerless over yourself. Reach out and get support  
  • Where are you allowing yourself to be in a ‘Power over power’ dynamic in relationships? 

The Interrogator 

The Interrogator belittles others to make them feel better than themselves. Interrogators shame, disempower, judge, make you wrong and find fault in all you do.  

Seeing yourself as the Interrogator  

  • Try voicing your opinions in a calm, loving way  
  • Give others the respect we want for ourselves  
  • Acknowledge – you don’t know everything  
  • Do a closer examination on why you are belittling others  

Dealing with the Interrogator

  • Know what’s your energy and what’s theirs, as they will try and drain the life out of you. Keep centred and grounded  
  • Work on a strong sense of self, value yourself, your views and know that you matter  
  • Respond to their remarks with ’ that’s an interesting point of view’  

The Aloof  

 The Aloof person constantly ‘creates a vague and mysterious aura around herself, forcing us to pour energy into digging to get information normally shared in a casual manner.” 

A pattern developed in childhood as they could not share freely as a child because it was threatening or dangerous to do so. In that kind of environment, the Aloof learned to be constantly vague in communication with others while at the same time finding a way to be listened to, in order to win energy from others. 

The Aloof often has issues with trust and keeps people at arm’s length.  

Seeing yourself as the Aloof  

  • Being aloof distracts you from being present, available to others and diverts you from some of your primary focuses in your life. Having awareness of your behaviours is the key 
  • Learn to cooperate: Cooperation with others is working together with another for a mutual benefit  
  • Work with a therapist learn to trust people more 
  • This patterning greatly fears disapproval and rejection – work on self-confidence and abandonment issues  

Dealing with the Aloof 

  • The Aloof will give very vague answers to questions they avoid details, keep everyone wondering what is going on, leaving all their options open. Boundaries, gentle assertiveness and holding your centre is needed here. 
  • Rather than becoming defensive, sit in a place of compassion and keep sending them loving energy 

The Poor Me  

 ‘The Poor Me’ is the most passive of the control dramas. They use guilt or pity to manipulate you as they will make you feel responsible for them. Everything is against them, and nothing is going right for them.  

 The Poor Me does not take responsibility, rather they feel sorry for themselves and want others to feel sorry for them too.  

 Seeing yourself as the ‘Poor Me’ 

  • Step back and be the empowered observer – how could you shift your lens on how you see the world?  
  • Change your attitude: How could I treat myself with the same compassion and kindness that I give to others?  
  • Journal ‘If I didn’t need to believe that story anymore what else would I be open to seeing/ healing next’…. 
  • Work with the new belief ‘I have a choice’  
  • You find you have no lack of control in situations in your life.  

 Dealing with the ‘Poor Me’ 

  • When they start to complain state ’Stop’ in a friendly way. By stopping them you will assist them in coming out of it. Refocus them on the positive  
  • Personal freedom includes responsibility – are you emotionally dependent on others?  
  • ‘That’s an interesting perspective, why do you feel this way’  

 When you witness one of these control dramas playing out in a difficult person, put yourself in the most supportive environment and learn to detach from their reactions and behaviours, especially if they are taking you off your centre.  

 Try also to become more understanding. Imagine the person you’re dealing with using the same control drama as a child. This perspective can take the entire relationship dynamic in a positive new direction. 

 If you want to learn more, I encourage you to read ”The Celestine Prophecy”.  

 

Justine Whitfield is a mindset coach, energetic healer, and reflexologist who helps people return to wellness in the body, mind and spirit so they can live a fulfilling and joyful life.

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Date Posted

April 01, 2022